We will give you the most precious thing in life – more time.
We want to talk with your for just a few minutes about some of the things you want. You want to find fulfillment in sound relationships. Your deepest, most cherished desire is to be in a relationship where you are happy and secure, where you can be yourself, fulfilling your life goals with passion and purpose. You want to feel better, conquer, move on from and get through problems or difficult behavior without resentments and a feeling of insecurity that you won’t get through them. You want to increase your emotional well-being and peace of mind. You want to learn more about life and share your knowledge with others to help them. You all want your children to avoid some of the mistakes that you, and others you know, have made. How can you do this?
The only way you can do this is by creating more time where:
- you feel good, not burdened or weighed down by resentments, fear and insecurity.
- you can minimize negative emotion and see that your problems are taken care of.
- you can increase emotional well-being and peace of mind, knowing you will “get through”.
Whether you are aware of it or not, all your behavior is governed by your feelings and your feelings are governed by your brain. The need to feel good is a primitive need. Feeling good means there is an absence of a bad feeling, an absence of stress. Feeling GOOD, at a primitive level, tells you that you are safe.
When you join the Emotional Wealth Academy you will start a process that will make you feel safe, a process that will give you more time to feel GOOD about yourself and your relationships! Good people are found in bad relationships. If you are hurting or are in a bad relationship, create time to make changes. The process is ongoing, but the immediate benefit to you is that you will manage your emotions better and start to build healthy happy relationships.
Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling will tell you how you can do it, we show you how you can do it and we watch over you while you do it to make sure it works for you.
Let’s begin by reviewing what emotional wealth is, what emotions are, which emotional style is typically you, how you affirm your identity and your commitment to your emotional challenge …
Emotional Wealth
To be healthy, your brain needs to function well. Give your brain what it needs – healthy neurotransmitters for right thinking and freedom from conditioned responses. How do you do this?
True health and well-being is a function of many things – good nutrition, regular exercise, adequate rest, clean water, and freedom from emotional constipation.
Emotional wealth helps you end emotional pain and restore brain function so you are free to build happy, healthy relationships. This online emotional health and wellness center is dedicated to helping you get through times of anger, trauma, fear or insecurity and move on in your life regardless of your situation. Learn what emotional wealth is all about for men and women and why it is center stage in your happiness and well-being.
Your emotional brain is the center of your emotional and physical health and wellness. Brain function and neurotransmitters are highly dependent on energy. If your brain cells cannot produce enough energy, because of a depletion of neurotrasmitters like serotonin, and there is too much oxidative stress, then neurons don’t fire, connections in your brain aren’t made and the lights don’t go on. Your physical health suffers as the symptoms of emotional constipation, or poor brain function, become evident in your body.
Emotional Wealth Membership will give you the tips, tools and techniques to help you fight back against the biological dysfunction of your brain, caused by your black brain, and get through emotional stress. You will conquer, move on from, and get over your anger, fear or insecurity, increase your well-being and gain peace of mind. Dr. Mike & Karen Gosling can absolutely positively help you get from here to where you want to be!
Personal Emotions
Emotions represent bodily feelings experienced as arousal of the nervous system. Stress involves an emotional reaction, especially a reaction involving negative emotions. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is you have to be responsible for your feelings. They are not happening to anyone else. No one can make you angry except yourself.
Emotions are generated to signal a need. But how are emotion states generated? Research has provided arguments for and against what comes first – a feeling or a thought. Some writers argue that feelings are more important than cognition in determining attitudes. It has been quoted:
“Since feeling is first, (he) who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you.”
It seems for some that human beings are ruled more by emotions than anything else. Perhaps this is true.
Other researchers recognise the minimum for cognitive-activated emotion being appraisal, or perception … one aspect of cognition that enables you to know and make decisions about the world. Emotion informs and influences intelligence. It seems possible that you could command through your emotions – thought comes before feeling.
Using cognitive-behavioral constructs and emotional intelligence insights, in 2004 Dr. Mike & Karen Gosling developed the emotional wealth secrets system – which carries this idea further … that a person can influence their behaviour cognitively through developing their emotional intelligence.
Everything in life is about what you feel.
If you’re experiencing positive emotions, that’s great … This is a non-problem status. Enjoy your life.
If you’re feeling negative emotions … you are emotionally constipated and experiencing the physiological effects of negative emotion (stress).
Emotional Style
Aristotle (384-322 BCE) said…
“The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival”.
There are only two emotional styles … Which style do you use?
The two emotional styles are avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to display more of one style than the other.
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Mike said…“I learned at great cost to manage my reactive emotional style.” |
Karen said…“I was astonished to discover my avoidant emotional style.“ |
Mike and Karen Gosling are married. They are both highly educated and intelligent. Mike has a Masters in Business Administration and a PhD in emotional intelligence. Karen holds a Bachelor of Arts in Social Work and a Masters in Public Health.
Both Mike and Karen have been successful in their careers, raised two wonderful sons, traveled the world, and have offered advice and support to many people from all walks of life to improve human wellness.
They are stable and influential, in a relationship lasting more than 32 years. They have collaborated to provide clients the benefit of their combined knowledge and experience in life.
But Mike and Karen each have a different emotional style. They respond differently to the same event and experience emotion in totally different ways. And because they are both fully aware of their emotional style and the impact it has physiologically on their bodies, they experience and manage their worlds very differently.
Awareness of your emotional style offers you the opportunity to change your mind and change your life, elevating emotional well-being.
Avoidant Emotional Style
Karen said…
“Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did, life became much more enjoyable and easier”.
I have always gone along with what other people wanted, deferred to their wishes and opinions, in order to manage my adrenalin levels. My happiness came from harmony in my environment, as conflict or even potential conflict, resulted in adrenalin floods.
If I perceived that a person may judge me, disapprove of me, be disappointed or feel let down by me, I would feel so dreadful that I would go out of my way to ensure that this did not happen. Once I’ve had an adrenalin flood I need to process it out of my body and “return to normal”. After conflict it takes me a long while to “warm up” again – hence Mike’s suggestion of the egg-timer!
I experience my negative emotion intensely (the burden of the highly sensitive person) and avoid any situation that may potentially cause an escalation of that feeling – the avoidant emotional style. I was an obedient teenager (lest my parents be cross with me), a diligent student (lest my teacher think badly of me), helpful to all (lest people dislike me because I was selfish) and a wife that withdrew and internalized in order to avoid conflict. I am learning that my avoidant behaviour – the flight response – impacts on Mike who feels punished and excluded.
Mike says, “Because you have an avoidant emotional style doesn’t mean that you have a monopoly on negative emotion”. This is something I need to be constantly aware of and recognise when considering the impact of my behaviour on others. My appreciation of how I deal with my emotion has improved immeasurably my over all well-being. I feel energised to share with others how managing my avoidant emotional style releases adrenalin from my body making me emotionally well.
Mike said…
“I learned at great personal cost, with the loss of my former wife and twin daughters over 30 years ago, that loud tones, aggression, irritation, and anger had to go.”
I have always been a leader, full of ideas and the energy, persistence, and dedication to carry them out. I used to not take fools lightly and felt quickly frustrated, irritated, and angry when things did not go my way. I could explode like a bomb!
As a man, I was used to summing up a situation, weighing alternatives, implementing them, and looking for results, often all done in my head and without too much discussion, not realizing fully that my behaviors, including loud tones and quick words, impacted on Karen so adversely.
Karen says, “Mike, it doesn’t matter what you say to me, just say it in a normal voice. When someone speaks to me in an irritable tone my perception is that you are cross at me for what I just said and that leaves me feeling unfairly judged”. This is what I need to constantly be aware of, as a person who has a reactive emotional style, when considering the impact of my behavior on others.
I deal with events as they happen – the reactive emotional style. I still react to things quite quickly – the fight response – but I am learning to put a gap between my thoughts and emotions to allow me time to manage better negative emotion generated by my reactive emotional style. Now I recognize negative emotion in my body on a scale from one to ten, one being low intensity and ten being rage.
By the time I feel my negativity rising to level five or six I can usually put a gap in my response and deal with my dis-ease in an emotionally intelligent way, releasing adrenalin from my body. As I respond to events I recognise that only I can make myself irritated, frustrated, and angry and so I manage my emotional style in a way that elevates my emotional well-being. As a result, I feel much healthier. And Karen is happier for it.
Affirm Your Identity
Often we see the another person’s behavior as wrong and our behavior as right. Have you ever thought to yourself, “How could he do this to me?”.
In this way we can blame others when things go wrong and do not take responsibility for our responses. To elevate emotional well-being, each of us needs to be aware of who we are to raise our emotional awareness.
Evaluating your emotional landscape and affirming who you are – what your memories, beliefs, values, thoughts, and expectations (events) are – and taking ownership of your resulting emotions or behaviors (responses), is empowering. We call this your EAR-Identity.
EAR-Identity is who you are. Events occurring in your life are appraised by you, which generate a response. Often the impact of your response can be overwhelming, both to yourself and to others, causing severe physiological distress felt in your body. If you have an avoidant emotional style you will feel predominantly anxious, bewildered, and personally attacked. You will run for your burrow to ‘avoid’ perceived threats to you and your environment. If you have a reactive emotional style you will feel predominantly frustration, irritation, and anger from perceived threats to who you are.
If you can identify and affirm your EAR-Identity, and begin to change it cognitively, you will soon be on the road to emotional intelligence and a life of EASE!
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