By Dr. Mike Gosling
1. Free of conditioning
Who of you remembers much about the events in your lives between the ages of zero and eight? As a child growing up in the Fijian Islands in the South Pacific, I was fortunate to have an abundance of friends, a pristine environment in which to play, a wonderful Grammar school and school chums, and a guiding morality from Protestant religious instruction. The Fiji coat of arms extolled us to ‘Fear God, and honour your King’. Exposed at an early age to a wide variety of cultures, I grew up with an appreciation, love and respect of Fijian, Indian, Chinese, Australian, American and English, cultures and values. I can recall the loving care I received from my mother and father, family, relatives, and the family house girl, Nene, her husband, Vava, and family. The games I played were wholesome, outdoors, and filled with challenges – sailing, fishing, climbing, cricket, hockey and rugby. Swimming in crystal clear streams and the coral-filled sea were everyday events.
But did growing up in the South Pacific – my childhood conditioning – make me emotionally wise, so that I could deal later in life with the effects of alcohol disease within me? Did my childhood conditioning prepare me to handle the hurt, loss, grief and trauma, of a totally unexpected rejection and divorce from my former wife, and a lifetime separation from my two daughters at the age of two years? Did my conditioning help me in 1992 at the age of 43, to understand betrayal, further rejection, raging anger, and a sense of unworthiness on my rejection by the Lutheran Church of Australia in my purpose to serve God as a Minister of Religion? No. Not at all.
Have you reached the age of 20, 30, 40, or even 50, and felt completely stupid – even overwhelmed? That even though you knew intuitively that an understanding of emotions was important – and felt you were prepared for anything – when called upon to manage your emotions, you were left wanting, and did not know what to do?
“Surely we are equipped from childhood to deal with the emotional traumas that life deals us?” you may ask. Sadly – and what every eight-year-old should know – many adults have not been taught about the emotions that run (or ruin) our lives!
It wasn’t until I reached my late twenties, then my early 40’s, that I began to fully understand what it meant to be emotionally literate. The realization that I was not totally adequate or knowledgeable in this area of life was difficult for me to accept. It was not until I reached my 50’s (I’m now in my 60′s), that I began to become free of my conditioning. Free of the pain from past mistakes, secure to live life’s uncertainty as a source of growth and understanding.
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