Feed Your
Emotional Brain

The physical brain

To perceive emotion is to receive and interpret information from both external (world) and internal (body) environments. Your senses – sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing – connect you to the world around you, through your physical brain. Perception is the process by which information (events) about the outside world impinges on the sensory organs and is then decoded and interpreted by the brain – resulting in a conscious experience (behavior or response). Perception is one aspect of cognition – all the mental activities which enable us to know and make decisions (appraisals) about the world (our environment).

Four major brain regions are: the brain stem, cerebellum, neocortex (cerebrum) and limbic system. The limbic system – comprising the thalamus, hypothalamus, hippocampus, amygdala, and connecting pathways – mediates and expresses emotional, motivational, sexual and social behaviors, and memory.

The brain controls all involuntary functions at the same time. These include breathing and heartbeat, as well as the higher mental processes such as thought, and the physical activities of breathing, movement, and coordination, plus non-physical functions such as emotions. It regulates bodily functions and is the seat of your personality.
The brain absorbs information from the outside world, interprets it, and makes the body act accordingly. It does this through a fascinating process of communication between specialised brain or neural cells – called neurons – that fire electrical impulses, or thoughts. The largest web of neocortical functioning in the brain is between the prefrontal area and the limbic structures. This perhaps explains the great variety of emotions that humans experience. The amygdala plays a large role in emotion processing.

The key to creating emotional health is putting a gap between event and response. When impulse happens, usually from the amygdala (the fear centre of the brain), meaning is formed through appraisal. It is in the gap that the trigger – the conditioned response – occurs and you experience the response in your body. For example, your first experience on a roller coaster may be exhilarating or terrifying. The memory will be stored as such, and will be recalled at any time the words roller coaster is mentioned. In this way you form emotional habits. The good news is that cognitive reframing allows you to change your emotional habits to enjoy a life of ease!

Appraisal, through the operation of the thalamus, hypothalamus, and limbic system, is the trigger for emotional response. Appraisal is a source of autonomic (involuntary) arousal, as the emotional response is mediated by the autonomic nervous system. The physiological effects of accumulated arousal felt in the body can be severe (See –
Physiological effects of stress).

Autonomic Nervous System – ANS

Our central nervous system is a regulatory structure that helps people adapt to changes in their environment. The ANS is comprised of two parts – voluntary and involuntary. We use our voluntary nerves to direct our muscles within our body to move, more or less, at will. The involuntary nervous system helps our glands control the functioning of our organs, such as; heart, lungs, bowels, and digestion. The involuntary nerves consist of two types – sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system provides adrenalin. The parasympathetic nervous system has a moderating influence. It helps restore balance, once the threat has passed.

When our bodies are in a peaceful state, the two branches of the ANS are in check. However, when there is a stressful response or threat – anger, fear, sadness, disgust, or surprise – the sympathetic (fight, flight) branch dominates the parasympathetic (calming, restorative) branch, and we are aware of our organs functioning. We may feel a racing heart, clammy hands, a tightening in our abdomen, and an urge to use our bowels. Sympathetic nerves react this way by means of the chemical, adrenalin, which is released at the nerve-endings of the organs concerned. For any task, there is an optimum level of arousal at which performance will be most efficient. On the whole, moderate levels of arousal seem to act as positive reinforcers and extreme as negative.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2009 Gosling International

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The body manages well with an optimal level of stress. Adrenalin generated to the optimal level of stress is needed for alertness and clarity and for being on guard – fight or flight. For example, when your thoughts focus on pain perceived in the future, the resulting negative emotions of fear and anxiety could increase stress beyond the optimal level. This causes the body to produce adrenalin in excess of what the body needs. Similarly, thoughts focused on memory of pain in the past will increase stress beyond the optimal level. Higher levels of adrenalin in the body from increased stress – that is, accumulated negative emotion or emotional constipation – will begin to affect the body. The chemicals adrenalin and noradrenalin are released by the body’s involuntary (sympathetic) nervous system and will take time to be eliminated from the body.

Physiological effects on the body from accumulated stress include:

1. A breakdown in the immune system. Making a person more susceptible to colds and flu, skin conditions, and
   other ailments.
2. An interruption to the autonomic nervous system that copes with digestion, bowel irritation and evacuation,
   reproduction, and recovery from stress.
3. A decrease in the level of serotonin – the chemical in the brain that is responsible for mood and thinking.
   Lowered serotonin leaves one feeling flat, despondent, depressed – a loss of “joie-de-vivre”. This depressed
   mood state often manifests as lethargy and “I can’t be bothered”. Thinking also becomes impaired and
   irrational.
4. Lowered personal esteem – caused by a loud inner voice – which can lead to depression and/or nervous
   suffering.

Balancing emotion

In the course of a day, if you experience a balance of good and bad feelings, it is unlikely that you will accumulate stress. People with an avoidant emotional style are more prone to stress as they feel each emotion with a greater intensity. But because a sensitive person similarly feels positive emotion with more intensity, if there is a balance of good feelings (feeling secure and loved, nurtured and understood) on a “bad” day, then the balance is restored readily. And the person copes with their stress. Excessive adrenalin produced may cause physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms of a stress or trauma reaction in some people (see table). The amount of additional adrenalin experienced in the body will depend upon whether you have an avoidant or reactive emotional style – and the nature of the trauma.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2010 Gosling International

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Conflict occurs when you feel hurt (negative emotion) and you want to resolve the pain. It is no different to having a physical pain (cramp, headache, stubbing your toe) and wanting the pain to go away.

Emotional pain is often attributed to someone else. For example: “You made me feel this way”. Whilst this is actually incorrect, each of us is responsible for our own feelings, it is the most common interpretation.

It is instinctive therefore, to want that someone else to take away your pain – either by an apology, or at least an acknowledgment that you have been hurt. It may have been a pain of being criticized or embarrassed or offended or put down or misrepresented or even simply misunderstood. The list of what you might feel is endless, depending on how you interpreted or appraised the event.

Your feeling is valid. But the reality of the event may be different to your perception. Your feeling is a stress response felt in your body based on how you interpreted the situation. To reduce your pain it is important to stop and think if there is any other way you could interpret the situation. Was the person actually putting you down, for example, or was something else going on? Perhaps he was trying to tease you and it came out wrong. Perhaps he was grumpy about something else and you are the recipient of that emotion.

If you can see the event from a different perspective you will be able to reduce your own pain, and no conflict may result. Resolving pain from within reduces the need for conflict. And you can use the E-A-R technique below to assist you to resolve pain within.

Sensitive people are likely to avoid conflict by withdrawing and not saying anything, but this is not necessarily resolution. There are times therefore that bringing up a hurt to talk it through is necessary. It is how you behave during this discussion, which has the potential for becoming conflict, and determines whether or not more resentments are incurred.

Strategies for managing conflict

1. If you have something you want to talk through, don’t get into discussion when either of you is tired, over stimulated or already stressed out about something else. Try to find a protected calming place for your discussion. In public is not a good idea.
   
2. Bring up the topic gently, with tact and whatever appreciation you can have about what the other has
   already done to minimize the problem. Acknowledge that you may have a quite different perspective on the matter
   than the other person.
   
3. Look for every place where you can compromise or give in without feeling you have violated your own
   needs.
   
4. If things are getting too worked up, suggest a time out. Make the time out at least twenty
   minutes, that’s how long it takes to return to “normal” and to be able to recommence the discussion without
   losing control. Agree when to resume the discussion; don’t put it off too long.
   
5. Use an effective communication framework to construct your sentences. Explain how you feel because of
   the event, not what the other person did. (FS16 Effective Communication Framework). Briefly, “I felt put down”
   will be received better than “You put me down”.
   
6. Learn to listen to what the other person is feeling. You are not the only one with feelings about the
   past event, nor about this current discussion. You do not have a monopoly on bad feelings. Sometimes the other
   person has no resentment about the past event you want to discuss, but will be annoyed or irritated about
   having to talk about it again. Perhaps it is simply the wrong timing that is causing the irritation, not the
   fact that you have something to talk about.

E-A-R Technique

E-A-R is an acronym that stands for Event – Appraisal – Response. Using this technique will enable you to be consistent in the way you behave with and speak to others. You will be trusted by others because you display consistent behaviors and manner. People with unpredictable behaviors cannot be trusted and cause others to have fear and uncertainty around them – stress!

EVENT – When an Event happens that causes you to have a negative emotion (eg, you feel offended) remember that the emotion is a stress response in your body created because your brain has perceived some sort of threat. This may or may not be the reality. Take time to check the reality of the situation.

APPRAISAL – Appraise the event again – Is the person really ignoring you, criticizing you, or could there be a different perspective. It is entirely possible that your perception is correct. Nonetheless, think before you speak.

RESPONSE – A response is a considered way of behaving. You might choose to say nothing at all. Or you may choose to say nothing for now, until you have thought some more, or there is a better place and time. And when you do say something you will be in control enough to construct your sentences effectively, also to
listen to what the other person has to say. We listen better when we are not worked up.

You may not be able to control what you feel initially, but you can control what you do about those feelings. In time, with practice at changing perceptions, using the E-A-R technique, you will even be able to feel differently about things as they occur. Remember, your perception is your reality, but it may not be THE reality. Because you are choosing how to respond, rather than simply having a reaction, you will feel in control of how you behave, and you will be less likely to damage relationships. This will increase your self esteem, as you will be proud of your behavior and there will be fewer regrets about what you did or said.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2010 Gosling International

Return to Archive of Emotional Wealth Secrets >>

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A person with an anxious personality experiences an overreaction to threatening stimuli in his or her environment, resulting in the body having a greater stress response than another person might have to the same event. The anxious person is less able to tolerate the normal uncertainties about the future and the “dangers” that may arise. This may be about external events – such as terrorist attacks or planes crashing – or relationship or health issues: “What if he doesn’t really love me?” or “What if I’ve got cancer?”

People with anxious personalities tend to have a general, although often subliminal, belief that the world is a dangerous place and that they must always be on guard to prevent or control any threat to their body and psychological well-being. Their thoughts are frequently dotted with ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. Behavior is driven by a desire to minimize or eliminate the stimuli or the situation that is causing the stress response. For example, the person who always says YES when the boss asks him to take on more work may be considered an obliging person. It may be however, that he is anxious about criticism or disapproval if he says no.

Sometimes the anxious person is not aware that he experiences anxiety. The physical manifestations of discomfort and changes to the gut or bowel, or problems with the immune or nervous systems, are often seem as physical problems requiring tests and treatment, and the cognitive (thinking) involvement is not at first recognized.

Yet every fearful or negative thought (which then becomes the threatening stimuli) causes the body to produce some adrenalin, a stress chemical that prepares the body for fight or flight in the event of the stimuli actually being dangerous. The adrenalin stores in the muscles, maintaining a sense of “readiness” should the danger ever present. The feeling of stress or being “on guard” can result in one small event triggering an intense response due to the build up of adrenalin in the body. Others may see this as an overreaction.

Many anxious people are sensitive, and are commonly known as worriers. The sensitive person has a brain that is sensitized to threat, and instructs the body to produce adrenalin at the first hint of there being a stimulus that could in any way be dangerous to the person. This could be external stimuli (heat, noise, unpleasant smells, crowds, bright lights, scratchy clothing, food with strange textures) or internal perceptions especially pertaining to being disapproved of, disliked or criticized. This person may have a strong physical/adrenalin response (called flooding) to irritable tones, raised voices or a suggestion of conflict in their environment,
regardless of whether or not the conflict is directed at them. They may startle easily.

The adrenalin arouses the nervous system, creating the “anxious” feeling, even before the person can rationalize the situation. But once the brain recognizes the adrenalin arousal, it begins to “watch out” for the danger, and the thoughts then commence, ‘what if’ this and ‘what if’ that. The thoughts typically flow to the person’s vulnerability at the time, which may be about their health, finances, relationships, children, work, being disliked, being inadequate – there is always something the brain will find as dangerous to justify the physical anxious sensation.

It is important for sensitive people to recognize the difference between adrenalin arousals that the body is having due to various stimuli, and anxiety that is fear of something in the future, and has thought and cognition attached. This recognition can assist the anxious person to stop the negative or fearful thinking that results in flooding, and thereby minimize his own anxious response. “I am my own worst enemy,” is the expression of someone who recognizes that her own thinking adds to her personal stress.

People with anxious personalities can be difficult to live with because their oversensitive alarm system causes them to intensify their emotional response to almost everything. People whose bodies are flooded with adrenalin have more mood changes and more periods of intense emotion. They tend to feel disappointment more keenly, react with greater distress to rejection or failure, and get more upset over arguments.

Depending on their emotional style, they may be more defensive and fly off the handle or they may be taken aback (frozen) by comments or conflict, and ’shut down’. The person who withdraws takes time to “get over” emotional hurts as it takes time for the body to discharge the stored adrenalin. It can take up to 60 minutes for the body to return to normal after a strong adrenalin surge, such as in an argument with a spouse. This makes the anxious person feel that it is impossible to “let go” emotional hurts. Unfortunately, the more he dwells on these resentments, the more adrenalin is produced, and so the anxious cycle continues.

A further consequence of anxiety is lowered self-esteem, and chronic anxiety attacks a person’s confidence. Anxious personalities often see themselves as too emotional, out-of-control, and not coping as well as they would like.

Strategies to Minimize Anxiety

The body will restore to calm once the brain registers that “everything is alright”. You can do a number of easy exercises to calm yourself down if feeling anxious:

1. Breathe slowly and deeply, with the out breath longer than the intake breath eg breathe in for 3
   counts, out for 4. This mimics the way we breathe when we are relieved, and tricks the brain in to thinking
   that everything is OK!
   
2. The Fake Smile. Smile or sing, even when you don’t feel like it. This makes your cheek muscles work,
   which again, tricks the brain into thinking there is no problem. We normally only smile when all is right with
   the world. By contrast, the anxious person will typically have a furrowed brow, and lips that are tightly
   pressed together so that the red part of the upper lip isn’t seen. The lips are straight or turned downwards.
   Anxious people show little humor or brightening of their expressions in response to anything.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2010 Gosling International

Return to Archive of Emotional Wealth Secrets >>

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Resentment is a strong negative emotion that you experience when you remember or recall an incident from the past that caused an emotional pain at the time, which has never been resolved. Upon recalling the event, the body generates an emotion that can be described as anger or a feeling of being deeply upset. This emotion is a stress response.

Some people recall an event so vividly that it is almost as though the event is reoccurring. Certainly the emotion that is generated is real, resulting in the memory of the event being re-experienced as if it were happening in the present tense. This is because the picture in the brain, whether a memory or current reality, will cause the body to have a stress response, and this is what is experienced as the emotion.

When an upsetting event has been resolved, it can be recalled to mind later without the body generating the same strong emotion. You might remember the incident well, and remember that you were upset or angry about it at the time, but your body does not feel that emotion now. This means that the matter has been resolved and you have moved on. Good. For your continued emotional health and well-being, this is how it should be. If the event is not happening now, it is not present tense. Things only happen in the present tense. Anything that is stored in the brain as a memory is a fantasy; it is not reality.

In other words, resentments are fantasies that continue to cause us pain and make us suffer. It is common for a person to dwell on resentments and continue his/her own suffering. If you are feeling the pain of an old hurt, it is you and only you who is continuing the pain, because you are continuing to think of it. Even after the “sorrys” have been said and the behavior of a loved one has changed, the memory of a past deed can keep the pain alive. But you are doing it to yourself, not the other person.

If, however, an emotional pain keeps reoccurring in the present tense (for example, you repeatedly feel put down), there is a possibility that you may experience a physical reaction of traumatic proportions, that is, a whole body reaction – nausea, quivering, and a need to run away.

This is a Post Traumatic Stress Response, and is the reason you may withdraw and remain silent and not engage in the relationship. A person will do anything to avoid such a hideous and painful response. You can become “allergic” to another person, when even the thought of that person or the mention of his/her name, can produce in you an intense physical response. This can result in a bewildering aversion to a person that you at one stage felt close to. Understandably this is not a healthy situation to find yourself in, and often medical or counseling help is required to settle such a reaction.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2009 Gosling International

Return to Archive of Emotional Wealth Secrets >>

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