Feed Your
Emotional Brain

Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Karen Gosling, an expert CBT counselor, explores a common situation and offers insight as to how emotional well being can be achieved.

Note: The permission of clients has been obtained to present this real-life case study. The names of clients have been changed to protect their privacy.

ASK KAREN Sally came to counseling desperate for help with her seven year old son Max who had frequent rages. “It’s as though he is possessed”, she explained. At unpredictable times Max would lose control, become hysterical, and shout foul language at siblings, parents or even teachers. He also threatened to harm himself because he hated his life. Following each rage, Max would sob with remorse and seek comfort. Max realized his behavior was inappropriate but was unable to control himself. Sally felt his behavior was completely out of character.

KAREN’S ASSESSMENT Max was a very sensitive boy, meaning that he felt his feelings with intensity. When Max felt a negative emotion he felt it strongly, and if unable to resolve it or articulate it, the pain accumulated resulting in intermittent rage – his reaction to stress. Rage is also common in teenagers and is usually the result of the intense emotions and frustrations experienced during puberty.

WORK DONE IN COUNSELING I urged Sally not to respond emotionally to Max, but to detach herself from the outburst long enough to work out what emotional pain Max may be feeling and to acknowledge his painful feelings. For example, “Max, you must be really angry that I am asking you to help me when you want to watch TV”. If Sally gets it right, Max will probably agree and calm down, as he now feels understood instead of annoyed. I explained that Max will yell how unhappy he is with his life when he feels completely isolated. When misunderstood by everyone around him, it feels as if no one understands the pain he is experiencing.

OUTCOME Sally reported immediate changes in Max’s frequency of outbursts. She watched for any signs of agitation, then tried acknowledging Max’s feelings, and in most instances diffused the situation. Sally shared this strategy with her husband and the teacher and all reported an improvement in his behavior.

KAREN’S ADVICE FOR MOVING FORWARD Parents often feel exasperated or bewildered when their child suddenly starts exhibiting anger or rage. They question what, as parents, they’re doing wrong. Raging behavior is usually a result of the child feeling a negative emotion (stress) about some situation in his life which he is unable to analyze or articulate. The pain of the emotion is experienced with the outburst of behavior. Children describe that they are quite scared when they rage as they feel out of control and the anger seems bigger than them. Parents can assist by thinking about what their child may be feeling and validating that feeling to the child. As well as helping the child feel better, they’ll also learn an emotional language leading to improved communication.

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