There’s a whole new way to live a stress free lifestyle today and it requires a whole new approach.  The new way of living without stress is heavily reliant on emotional wealth strategies that help you feel better about yourself and your relationships.  With emotional wealth strategies you have an advantage and are already riding the wave of those already enjoying reduced stress in their lives and happy relationships.  But there’s something else that’s required to succeed.

If you’re going to succeed in your personal life and in today’s competitive marketplace, you have to be different.

And if you’re going to achieve in your personal life and in today’s competitive marketplace, you have to act with your true identity.

It comes down to: people trust who you are, before they trust what you’re saying.  That’s true in every aspect of life, but it’s especially true in personal, family and business relationships.

People choose to be with people who make them feel good. And if you want others to choose to be with you, or be influenced by you, their choice to follow is preceded by trust. Trust is developed by you acting toward others in a predictable, collaborative way that respects the rights of others. The way you act is your true identity.

John Nirenburg, who has been an active interdisciplinary student of human behavior and leadership his entire life, wrote (2003) on building relationships: Usually, it is an interpersonal skill, a behavior that is expressed in such a way that it elicits our choice to follow, to be influenced, to admire unselfconsciously.

That sums up the whole art of building trust in relationships – It is my behavior (or response) toward another person that impacts most on their decision to trust me or to admonish me.

These are just some of the gems that we share in our emotional wealth self development system that will help you feel better about yourself and build trusting relationships.

Learn more about Emotional Wealth – The FORCE of Real Life! >>

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28/4/10 Issue#2: Article – Difference between Aspergers & Autism Publisher: Dr. Mike Gosling In This Issue… – Feature Article — Emotion Secrets – How Emotional Stuff Works – Conversations With Karen – Live Seminars – Featured Product – Activate Your Emotional Wealth Academy Membership – Website Links And How To Submit Your Article To be removed from this newsletter, please click the Unsubscribe link at the end of the email you received. ============================ Dear EmotionMatters Reader, EmotionMatters is the newsletter of the Emotional Wealth Academy providing articles, streaming videos, podcasts, audios, fact sheets, Q&A, counseling case studies, and much, much more …. Feature Article Difference Between Aspergers And Autism One of the most often asked questions from parents is to have an explanation of the difference between Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. So here’s a brief explanation of the two conditions and what the main differences are. Firstly Autism: Autism is a spectrum disorder – which basically means that the signs and the severity of symptoms can vary significantly in each person. It usually begins at an early age (before 3) and causes delays to the normal development of skills. The main areas in which autism symptoms can be seen are: •   Communication – both verbal and non-verbal, such as eye contact, facial expressions and body language. •   Social Behaviors – people with autism struggle with expressing emotions, relating to other peoples emotions and holding conversations. They have a tendency to withdraw from social interaction and can over-react to what we would consider a normal situation. •   General Behaviors- repetition of actions, phrases and routines are common as are following strict organization patterns. People with autism can also display abnormal sensory perception. For example, a normal volume noise may seem extremely loud and even painful to an autistic. Physical interaction can also cause problems for an autistic child, they may dislike the feeling of being touched or will only allow themselves to be hugged in a certain way. Autistic children also tend to favor rigid objects and toys such as metal cars rather than soft toys like teddy bears, some even show pain from touching a stuffed animal. Smells may also cause problems with scents that are pleasant to you and I causing those with autism to gag. It is not true that all individuals who develop autism show retardation. Asperger’s Syndrome: People with Asperger’s Syndrome display autistic characteristics like obsessive behaviors or lack of social and communication skills. And like autism, the level and severity of these signs will vary from person to person. They do not show delayed skills. In fact, one of the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome is having a normal IQ. As a result, those with Asperger’s are sometimes called “higher-functioning” autistics. Asperger’s is also usually noticed at a later age, with social and communication problems less severe than with autism. Verbal IQ tends to be higher than physical IQ and clumsiness is more common. People with Asperger’s Syndrome usually have good language skills – However, their use of language can be awkward and speech patterns can be unusual, without inflection or changes in pitch or tone. The subtleties of language, such as irony and humor can be lost on someone with Asperger’s and they may struggle to understand how a conversation should flow. It is hard to generalize ASD ’s, but two main differences between Autism and Asperger’s seem to be: 1. People with Aspergers tend to have a normal or sometimes a high IQ. 2. There is no speech delay in people with Asperger’s. There are many more resources and information about diagnosing, controlling and treating Autism in, The Essential Guide To Autism [ CLICK HERE ] How Emotional Stuff Works Q I don’t know… I suspect my wife has symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Is Gosling International effective in providing a solution for her, or is there someone else able to do a better job? Are the chances of recovery good? A Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition with severe long-term implications for relationships as a person with BPD needs a lot of understanding and tolerance of their behaviors. Yes, Goslings is able to assist. Indeed we work already with several people suffering BPD. Read More … More expert advice on recognizing problem areas and dealing with a lack of emotional intimacy once your relationship deteriorates is available from Professional Counselor Karen Gosling. Conversations With Karen Is This Marriage Worth saving? Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Karen Gosling, an expert CBT counsellor, explores a common situation and offers insight as to how emotional wellbeing can be achieved. Presenting Issue John and Lisa agreed on counseling to help end their marriage amicably. Explaining that they no longer “got on”, frequently snapping at each other with rudeness and sarcasm, Lisa said that John no longer filled her emotional needs – to be loved, appreciated and cared for. John acknowledged he was working longer hours at the office to avoid going home and that he was feeling empty and in turmoil. Both said they felt “finished”. Karen’s assessment This couple had a combination of poor communication and unresolved past hurts. By improving communication and learning to talk safely about old hurts, there was a chance they could reconnect emotionally and restore intimacy. Read more about the work done in counseling, the outcome, and Karen’s advice for moving forward [ CLICK HERE ] Karen Gosling is a Professional Counselor and Mental Health Social Worker. She is a graduate of the University of South Australia and holds a Master of Public Health from the University of Adelaide. Karen is an accredited member of the Australian Association of Social Workers. Karen provides face-to-face counseling consultations for individuals, couples, and family groups. If you want a professional to help you with behavioral change or deal with your emotional distress, personal problems, or are simply troubled by your feelings, phone Karen or Mike Gosling on 07 5564 7582 (International (617) 5564-7582). Consulting Rooms (by appointment): 13 Valerie Street, Ashmore Queensland 4214 AustraliaMobile: 0413-750-699 (International (617) 5564-7582) Email Karen Live Seminars “Conversations With Karen” – Coming soon, Karen Gosling will lead you in this one-day seminar to increase your effectiveness in understanding and managing your stress. For complete details and registration contact Karen Gosling. Featured Product Surviving Life Dramas Combo Pack After 30 years teaching thousands of people LIVE from 83 countries around the world how to understand their emotions … observing countless dramas unfold before me in the counseling room … listening to the stories of thousands of clients, and following their progress as they applied what they’d learnt, expert counselor Karen Gosling realized one thing: Everybody is making it too hard to solve their life dramas! Have you had enough of being overburdened with life dramas and wish you could get back to being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Get Karen Gosling’s complete series of 12 one-hour DVDs (with audio CDs and transcripts) on surviving life dramas for you to watch and begin to release your pain and create a life without drama. Activate Your Emotional Wealth Secrets Membership Soon… The Emotional Wealth Academy is being assembled as a complete destination for emotional knowledge, articles, networking, discussions, industry reports, medical practitioner and thought leader interviews, and special offers. You can pose questions to leading experts in emotional wealth and participate in a real life supportive community facilitated by Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling. Activate Your 14-Day Membership in The Emotional Wealth Academy Soon… Join this dedicated support network of people interested in Emotional Wealth! Do you want to… Meet thousands of other like-minded men and women who want to improve their lives? Learn from experts on emotional, mental, and physical health, relationships, to stay well? Participate in our forum with people dedicated to personal and emotional success? Share your ideas, beliefs, and concerns with thousands of Emotional Wealth Academy.com members and visitors? If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then a 14-day Emotional Wealth Academy Membership is available for you for just $4.95! This is something Karen and Dr. Mike are really proud of. We believe it will help you make 2010 your best year yet! And this subscription membership site will be kept fresh with new content added each month. Take a sneak peak at the Emotional Wealth Secrets now. You will be able to join very soon! On The Website The Emotional Wealth Academy Blog is live with articles and posts by Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling and others. Looking for an experienced, caring, professional, empathic counselor? Start counseling today with expert cognitive-behavioral and emotional wealth counselor, Mrs Karen Gosling. Want to stop one annoying and irritating behavior that may be preventing you from being more successful than you alreay are? Start executive coaching with emotional intelligence expert and emotional wealth coach, Dr. Mike Gosling. Need a keynote or seminar speaker on The Emotional Leader, How To Stop Bad Habits At Work, Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace, Managing Personal Stress, The Anxious Personality, Understanding Your Emotional Brain, Adult Attention Deficit Disorder? Book a speaking event with either Dr. Mike or Karen Gosling. ============================================= Go to http://emotionalwealthacademy.com/blog/emotionmatters/ to view previous issues of this newsletter, To submit articles or other information, please send us an email. To be removed from this newsletter, please click the Unsubscribe link at the very bottom of the email you received. Copyright © 2010 Gosling International. Permission is granted to distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged.

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Q I don’t know… I suspect my wife has symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Is Gosling International effective in providing a solution for her, or is there someone else able to do a better job? Are the chances of recovery good?

A Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition with severe long-term implications for relationships as a person with BPD needs a lot of understanding and tolerance of their behaviors. Yes, Goslings is able to assist. Indeed we work already with several people suffering BPD.

In essence, the person may exhibit no real symptoms for long periods of time, however, under stress, he or she may experience intense feelings of deprivation and insecurity, and be prone to periods of rage. This seriously affects intimate and social relationships. An important element in therapy is non-judgement while the person ventilates their feelings and perceptions of life. This is necessary before self-awareness can be gained, by gently confronting the person to see things from another’s perspective.

Effective treatment of BPD will often include a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy to assist the person stabilize their mood-disturbance and increase tolerance of anxiety. To this end, we are frequently in contact with doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists for purposes of referral to ensure the person receives the best holistic care.

As cognitive-behavioral counselors, Gosling International’s counselors helps clients identify events (memory, thoughts, values, beliefs, expectations) in their lives that generate pain or negative emotion (stress) and produce excess adrenalin in the body. We assist clients to understand the physiological effect of excess adrenalin on their body and through increased awareness of their identity help clients to better manage their emotion state.

Effective outcomes for counseling depend upon a number of variables including a person’s willingness and readiness to receive counseling, their current emotional state, and receptivity to taking medication. Cognitive behavioral counseling is effective to help a client discover and correct the cause of inappropriate behavior and can serve as an appropriate avenue for referral point to other more specific areas of mental health care identified by an experienced counselor.

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LESSON #01: Understand Your Emotional Brain

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

In this first Emotional Wealth Secret we will look at what is the physical brain and how all information received by the brain forms our perceptions. Our appraisals cause the adrenalin arousals in our body which give rise to emotions felt in our body.

LESSON #02: Know Your Emotional Style

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

There are two emotional styles – avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to display more of one style than the other. Read this Emotional Wealth Secret to find out which style explains your behavior.

LESSON #03: The Physiological Effects of Stress

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

The body manages well with an optimal level of stress. Adrenalin generated to the optimal level of stress is needed for alertness and clarity and for being on guard – fight or flight. For example, when your thoughts focus on pain perceived in the future, the resulting negative emotions of fear and anxiety could increase stress beyond the optimal level. This causes the body to produce adrenalin in excess of what the body needs. This emotional wealth secret helps us learn about what we do with excess adrenalin.

LESSON #04: The Anxious Personality

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

A person with an anxious personality experiences an overreaction to threatening stimuli in his or her environment, resulting in the body having a greater stress response than another person might have to the same event. The anxious person is less able to tolerate the normal uncertainties about the future and the “dangers” that may arise.

LESSON #05: Resolving Resentments – What Resolving Means

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

Resentment is a strong negative emotion that you experience when you remember or recall an incident from the past that caused an emotional pain at the time, which has never been resolved. Upon recalling the event, the body generates an emotion that can be described as anger or a feeling of being deeply upset. This emotion is a stress response. Emotional wealth secrets help us deal with our body’s stress response.

LESSON #06: Managing Conflict

Wednesday March 10th, 2010

Conflict occurs when you feel hurt (negative emotion) and you want to resolve the pain. It is no different to having a physical pain (cramp, headache, stubbing your toe) and wanting the pain to go away. Learn the emotional wealth secret to managing conflict.

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The free resources available from this page will improve your emotional well-being, boost your career, and develop your emotional skills. The articles, emotional wealth secrets, counseling case studies, and answers to your questions on how emotional stuff works will help you apply what you are learning to your own life situation. Our extensive resource library … including audio and video presentations … is available at our Emotional Wealth Secrets website.

EMOTIONMATTERS EZINE ARCHIVE >>

Articles:

• Understand Your Emotional Brain

To perceive emotion is to receive and interpret information from both external (world) and internal (body) environments. Your senses – sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing – connect you to the world around you, through your physical brain. Read More…

• The Physiological Effects of Stress

The body manages well with an optimal level of stress. Adrenalin generated to the optimal level of stress is needed for alertness and clarity and for being on guard – fight or flight. Read more …

• Know Your Emotional Style

There are two emotional styles – avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to display more of one style than the other. Read more …

• Resolving Resentments

Resentment is a strong negative emotion that you experience when you remember or recall an incident from the past that caused an emotional pain at the time, which has never been resolved. Read more …

• Anxious Personality

A person with an anxious personality experiences an overreaction to threatening stimuli in his or her environment, resulting in the body having a greater stress response than another person might have to the same event. The anxious person is less able to tolerate the normal uncertainties about the future and the “dangers” that may arise. Read more …

• Managing Conflict

Conflict occurs when you feel hurt (negative emotion) and you want to resolve the pain. It is no different to having a physical pain (cramp, headache, stubbing your toe) and wanting the pain to go away. Read more …

Read More Articles >>

Emotional Wealth Secrets:

• Effective Communication Framework

Learn and use the XYZ communication model and build relationships. Read More…

• Borderline Personality Disorder

The person suffering a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is usually female. If you are related to or involved in a relationship with a Borderline Personality (BP) you will often feel as thought you are walking on eggshells. Read More…

• The Housemate Syndrome

Are you living together like housemates? Feel taken for granted and not really in a loving relationship? What happens when you blame your partner for what happens to you – nothing! Read More…

• The Highly Sensitive Person – HSP

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) really do exist! In fact they make up about 20 per cent of the population. That question: “Whatever is the matter with you?” can finally be answered. The secret trait you thought of all your life as a flaw, is a flaw no longer. Read More…

• Normal Trauma Reactions

You have experienced a traumatic event (an injury, loss of a loved one or property, or a serious threat, or any overwhelming emotional experience). Even though the event may be completed, you may now be experiencing, or may experience later, some strong emotional or physical reactions. It is very common, in fact quite normal, for people to experience emotional aftershocks when they have passed through an horrible event. Read More…

• The Narcissist

The narcissist requires excessive admiration, attention, and affirmation, or failing that wishes to be feared. Such feedback is known as narcissistic supply and the narcissist uses others’ reaction to him to regulate his sense of self-worth. Read More…

Read More Emotional Wealth Secrets >>

Conversations With Karen – Counseling Case Studies:

• Is This Marriage Worth Saving

Relationships fail for three main reasons: 1) Unresolved hurts, 2) Ineffective communication, and 3) Not giving and receiving love according to one’s needs. Learn about a couple experiencing communication difficulties. Read More…

• Rage Against The Machine – Kids In Crisis

Parents often feel exasperated or bewildered when their child suddenly starts exhibiting anger or rage. They question what, as parents, they’re doing wrong. Read More…

• Banish Low Self-Esteem

Counseling was a critical intervention in a vicious cycle of poor self-esteem, negative feelings and depression. Read More…

Read More Case Studies >>

How Emotional Stuff Works:

• How Can I Trust My Cheating Husband?

  Two years ago my husband left me for another woman. After a month he begged to come home. I missed him. And he was a good father – so I took him back. He is now faithful, but I find it hard to be close to him physically. How can I trust him again? Read more …

• No Affection

I’ve been married for 12 years and we have three children aged nine, seven and three. We both seem to be tired all the time. I love my husband and would not want to be with anyone else. Yet I don’t seem to want to be affectionate with him anymore. When he touches me it irritates me and I pull away. He must feel so rejected. What’s wrong with me? Read more …

• Panic Disorder

I’m suffering from panic attacks. They started two years ago and I felt I was going crazy. I’ve tried seeing a few doctors but still the sensation of fear came when I stopped medication. I am sick and tired of taking medicine because I plan to have a baby soon. Please help. Read more ...

Read More on How Emotional Stuff Works >>

Go back to Emotional Wealth Academy Blog >>

Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling welcome you to the Emotional Wealth Academy and EASEQuadrant® . Want to learn how to understand the cause of your feelings, improve your mood, and feel better than you do right now? You know, it’s never been easier to choose emotional wealth! Would you like to “hang out” with two experts in emotions every month and use our 30+ years of experience in building emotional wealth to stay well and create the relationships you never thought possible? Would you benefit from free resources designed to help you deal with behavioral change, emotional distress and personal problems, or are you simply troubled by your feelings?

Emotional Wealth – The FORCE of Real Life!

“If you have emotional wealth, you can discover the most powerful strategies to stay well and have healthy relationships.” – Dr. Mike & Karen Gosling

Subscribe to EmotionMatters Newsletter:

EmotionMatters is one of the most real-life, here’s-how-to-do-it online newsletters you’ll ever find on the emotion strategies you can use to rapidly grow your quality of life. Discover our stress-busting success system that will immediately reduce the impact of stress felt in your body and not allow it to affect you for a minute longer than it has to. You’ll learn strategies and secrets, like…

• How to understand your emotional brain and learn techniques to calm yourself almost effortlessly;
• How to effectively manage your emotional style to improve your relationships;
• The “Emotional Wealth Habits” which stop behavior that may be preventing you from being even more successful than you already are (even toward your friends who are not emotionally savvy)…
• How to quickly deal with negative thinking - specifically designed to make you focus on your truth and NOT appearances;

… And much, much more!

This is the inside edge you need to become a successful emotional mastermind. There’s no obligation and no hype. Just hardcore tips and strategies to make your life change for the better. You can unsubscribe at any time, as easy removal instructions are included with each issue.

Just type in your Name and Primary Email Address where shown below, and then click the “Click Here For FREE Signup>>” button below. Please allow a few minutes to receive your first message.

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21/3/10 Issue#1: Article – How To Get The Most From Couple Therapy EmotionMatters Newsletter Issue # 1, March 21, 2010 Publisher: Dr. Mike Gosling In This Issue… – Feature Article – Emotion Secrets – How Emotional Stuff Works – Conversations With Karen – Live Seminars – Featured Product – Activate Your Emotional Wealth Academy Membership – Website Links And How To Submit Your Article To be removed from this newsletter, please click the Unsubscribe link at the end of the email you received. ============================ Dear EmotionMatters Reader, EmotionMatters is the newsletter of the Emotional Wealth Academy providing articles, streaming videos, podcasts, audios, fact sheets, Q&A, counseling case studies, and much, much more …. Feature Article FREE ARTICLE DOWNLOAD Notes to a Couple on how to get the most from Couple Therapy Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson are clinical psychologists, and the founders and directors of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. Known worldwide through their pioneering work in couples therapy, they are invited frequently to speak at major conferences and to conduct training in the psychological treatment of couples throughout the world. Their book on couples therapy for professionals, In Quest of the Mythical Mate: a Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy, is used in graduate schools across the country. As therapists, workshop leaders, authors, and speakers, they are dedicated to helping couples create extraordinary relationships. They educate, enlighten and entertain while presenting innovative, practical ways to help you improve or refine your couples therapy skills. How Emotional Stuff Works Q I’ve been married for 12 years and we have three children aged nine, seven, and three. We both seem to be tired all the time. I love my husband and would not want to be with anyone else. Yet I don’t seem to want to be affectionate with him anymore. When he touches me it irritates me and I want to pull away. He must feel so rejected. What is wrong with me? A There are several reasons why close physical contact is not welcomed during a relationship. Firstly, you say you are both often tired. This may be because you are busy with the normal activities of running a household with three young children and he a hectic work schedule. In this case sleep – not sexual intimacy – often becomes the greater priority. But some resentment may have also built up in your relationship over various issues. The stress of unresolved resentment can also cause tiredness. And if there are things about your hsuband that annoy or irritate you, and you have not discussed them with him, you may be distancing yourself from your relationship until things “get fixed”. Often if a man feels a bit distant or disconnected in the relationship, he will reach out and seek physical intimacy to obtain reassurance that the relationship is still okay. If a woman is feeling distant she may desire emotional closeness prior to intimacy, and so the physical touch in case it leads to sexual intimacy, which is not what she is ready for. Some people need frequent physical touch to feel loved, whilst others need to talk and communicate. Try to work out what it is that is causing your feelings of irritation and then make a time to talk about it with your husband. It seems he also wants to be with you and no one else, so no doubt he will welcome your honesty and reconnection. Emotion Secrets Revealed Are you living together like housemates? Feel taken for granted and not really in a loving relationship? What happens when you blame your partner for what happens to you – nothing! When women talk about feelings men hear it as complaining. When men try to offer suggestions, women get irritated as they don’t realize that he is trying to help her. As a result, one partner may simply shut down to prevent further conflict, believing that keeping quiet will help to calm things down. Any partner who needs discussion and immediate resolution of an issue will tell you this method absolutely does not work. More expert advice on recognizing problem areas and dealing with a lack of emotional intimacy once your relationship deteriorates is available from Karen Gosling’s website, which is all about surviving indifference. Conversations With Karen Jealousy – Controlling The Green Eyed Monster Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Karen Gosling, an expert CBT counsellor, explores a common situation and offers insight as to how emotional wellbeing can be achieved. Note: The permission of clients has been obtained to present this real-life case study. The names of clients and locations have been changed to protect their privacy. Presenting Issue Ted and Gina came for counseling together as Gina had set Ted an ultimatum – get counseling or get out. She had had enough of his suspicions and accusations, his questioning and his double-checking. She felt that she scarcely had a life of her own any more, as Ted was always asking her where she had been, who she had been with and what she had talked about. To her, all his questions of jealousy seemed so crazy – and Ted agreed in the counseling session that Gina was right. He admitted that his suspicions of his wife were unfounded, and that there was no evidence to suggest she was not truly “in the marriage” – apart from her recent outburst that she had had enough, and that had been brought on by his constant interrogation. Ted said that he tried to not ask Gina about her social outings, but then his insecurity got the better of him. He thought that if he didn’t ask, that Gina would have complete freedom to do whatever she wanted in her social life. Gina was flabbergasted, and had asked him what exactly he meant by that. When he clarified his fears that she may be having an affair with another man, Gina felt mistrusted and hurt. She said she no longer wanted to be in a marriage where her husband did not trust her. Hence her ultimatum regarding counseling. Previously, when Gina had expressed frustration at his interrogations, Ted interpreted this as defensiveness, which reinforced his view that Gina was having or at least thinking about having an affair. She often went out with girlfriends, and had ample opportunity to do so when he was away on business trips. He knew that she was a very sociable and outgoing woman, who engaged easily with all she met, and whilst this was a quality he adored about her, it added to his insecurity. Karen’s Assessment I explained to Ted that his insecurity was driving away the woman he loved and wanted to be with. He said he wanted to trust, but his feelings wouldn’t let him. I advised that his negative feelings of suspicion were his alone but that he was blaming Gina for them. He had to now take the responsibility of dealing with them. He had to recognize his suspicious thoughts as his negative inner voice, feeding anxiety and playing videos in his brain of what Gina might be doing, and then those thoughts generating feelings that made him believe they truly belonged to a reality situation. He had to learn to turn off his internal video player by managing his inner voice better. Work done in counseling I suggested Gina could also learn to help Ted with his insecurity by recognizing his need for affirmation and verbal reassurance that he was loved and desired as a husband. Gina complained and said that this did not come naturally for her, and that often she was so fed up with his interrogations that she found it hard to affirm him. If he phoned her on her mobile whilst she was out with girlfriends, for example, she would feel “checked up on” and would then sound irritable on the phone. This of course did not help Ted! Ted would have to try hard to resist the urge to phone her, and she would have to work hard at sounding pleasant, not irritable, if he did need to ring for a genuine matter. Outcome When Gina saw that Ted was not phoning her so often, she was able to volunteer information more readily. Each felt more secure and each appreciated the other’s effort, growing closer together. Karen’s advice for moving forward When working on a marriage, each person has to move out of their comfort zone and do something for the other. Marriage is about giving to, not always hoping to get something from, the partner. When one feels truly loved, it is easier to respond spontaneously and more fully. In this way, each partner feels fulfilled and secure in the relationship. Karen Gosling is a Professional Counselor and Mental Health Social Worker. She is a graduate of the University of South Australia and holds a Master of Public Health from the University of Adelaide. Karen is an accredited member of the Australian Association of Social Workers. Karen provides face-to-face counseling consultations for individuals, couples, and family groups. If you want a professional to help you with behavioral change or deal with your emotional distress, personal problems, or are simply troubled by your feelings, phone Karen or Mike Gosling on 07 5564 7582 (International +61 7 5564 7582). Consulting Rooms (by appointment): 13 Valerie Street, Ashmore Queensland 4214 Australia Mobile: 0413-750-699 (International +61-413-750-699) Email Karen Live Seminars “Conversations With Karen” – Coming soon, Karen Gosling will lead you in this one-day seminar to increase your effectiveness in understanding and managing your stress. For complete details and registration contact Karen Gosling. Featured Product Surviving Life Dramas Combo Pack After 30 years teaching thousands of people LIVE from 83 countries around the world how to understand their emotions … observing countless dramas unfold before me in the counseling room … listening to the stories of thousands of clients, and following their progress as they applied what they’d learnt, expert counselor Karen Gosling realized one thing: Everybody is making it too hard to solve their life dramas! Have you had enough of being overburdened with life dramas and wish you could get back to being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Get Karen Gosling’s complete series of 12 one-hour DVDs (with audio CDs and transcripts) on surviving life dramas for you to watch and begin to release your pain and create a life without drama. Activate Your Emotional Wealth Secrets Membership Soon… The Emotional Wealth Academy is being assembled as a complete destination for emotional knowledge, articles, networking, discussions, industry reports, medical practitioner and thought leader interviews, and special offers. You can pose questions to leading experts in emotional wealth and participate in a real life supportive community facilitated by Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling. Activate Your 14-Day Membership in The Emotional Wealth Academy Soon… Join this dedicated support network of people interested in Emotional Wealth! Do you want to… Meet thousands of other like-minded men and women who want to improve their lives? Learn from experts on emotional, mental, and physical health, relationships, to stay well? Participate in our forum with people dedicated to personal and emotional success? Share your ideas, beliefs, and concerns with thousands of Emotional Wealth Academy.com members and visitors? If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then a 14-day Emotional Wealth Academy Membership is available for you for just $4.95! This is something Karen and Dr. Mike are really proud of. We believe it will help you make 2010 your best year yet! And this subscription membership site will be kept fresh with new content added each month. Take a sneak peak at the Emotional Wealth Secrets now. You will be able to join very soon! On The Website The Emotional Wealth Academy Blog is live with articles and posts by Dr. Mike and Karen Gosling and others. Looking for an experienced, caring, professional, empathic counselor? Start counseling today with expert cognitive-behavioral and emotional wealth counselor, Mrs Karen Gosling. Want to stop one annoying and irritating behavior that may be preventing you from being more successful than you alreay are? Start executive coaching with emotional intelligence expert and emotional wealth coach, Dr. Mike Gosling. Need a keynote or seminar speaker on The Emotional Leader, How To Stop Bad Habits At Work, Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace, Managing Personal Stress, The Anxious Personality, Understanding Your Emotional Brain, Adult Attention Deficit Disorder? Book a speaking event with either Dr. Mike or Karen Gosling. ============================================= To view previous issues of the newsletter, please go to http://emotionalwealthacademy.com/blog/emotionmatters/ To submit articles or other information, please send us an email. To be removed from this newsletter, please click the Unsubscribe link at the very bottom of the email you received. Copyright © 2010 Gosling International. ABN: 28-219-744-700. Permission is granted to distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged.

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We have all we need, if only we let it be.

Deepak Chopra says:

“I am in a state of self-referral where my internal reference point is My True-Self (Spirit) and I give up my Self-Image where my internal reference point is my ego.”

I will leave my ego at the door, and relinquish the right to defend my point of view.

The point being that today I will get in touch with the field of pure potentiality (God in us), by taking time to be silent – to just be.

The Spirit (Divinity or My True-Self) is a field of the Infinitive Intelligence or universal energy – or as Karen and I call it, Abundant Awareness. This is our creative power, which is our right given to us by God (or whoever/whatever god is for you).

The Mind is what the Infinitive Intelligence has given me to process My True-Self – what has been given to me as my right, what I deserve and has always been waiting for me.

The Body is the manifestation of my Spirit – the objective of Infinitive Intelligence in me.

So we can actively allow the Spirit (My True-Self) to be manifested by the Mind (visualization) to obtain the Body (physical object).

But we need at least half an hour a day to do allow the process of manifesting our deepest most cherished intentions, goals and desires. But most of us don’t do it because we are entrapped by appearances – What our Self-Image wants us to be rather than what our Self wants us to be. We spend hours trapped by the TV, emails, internet or whatever and little time in silence, to just be.

Karen and I were visualizing our new home on the Gold Coast in the Boystown lottery over the past six weeks. It didn’t materialize – that is, we didn’t win the home! But the process of Spirit, Mind and Body goes on. It wasn’t about “luck” or “roll of the dice”. The fact that it didn’t happen simply means there is a reason – the cosmic plan.

We keep focused in Spirit, Mind & Body because that is who we are. The Infinite Intelligence represents abundant awareness, and we are joyfully fulfilling the cosmic plan for our lives – in His time and not ours.

You can “have it all” as John Assaraf puts it – but in God’s time, not our own. Maybe “having it all” will be a simple life with meager assets. Crickey, I hope not!

My son, Daniel, wrote me:

“I did wonder about the house! But that’s okay, because it just means that there is something bigger, better and more perfect just around the corner for you and that one comes with a launch at the dock, not just an empty pontoon ”

So I’ve trained him well!! Imagine if I had been able to think like my son does at 20, instead of being constrained by the concept of SCARCITY that I was brought up with. Aggggggggh! Let’s celebrate abundant awareness and increase our joy of living.

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Turn off Twitter, Anne Lamott says. And don’t clean the house. That’s what it takes to create the rich life you deserve.

I sometimes teach classes on writing, during which I tell my students every single thing I know about the craft and habit. This takes approximately 45 minutes. I begin with my core belief—and the foundation of almost all wisdom traditions—that there is nothing you can buy, achieve, own, or rent that can fill up that hunger inside for a sense of fulfillment and wonder. But the good news is that creative expression, whether that means writing, dancing, bird-watching, or cooking, can give a person almost everything that he or she has been searching for: enlivenment, peace, meaning, and the incalculable wealth of time spent quietly in beauty.

Then I bring up the bad news: You have to make time to do this.

This means you have to grasp that your manic forms of connectivity—cell phone, email, text, Twitter—steal most chances of lasting connection or amazement. That multitasking can argue a wasted life. That a close friendship is worth more than material success.

Needless to say, this is very distressing for my writing students. They start to explain that they have two kids at home, or five, a stable of horses or a hive of bees, and 40-hour workweeks. Or, on the other hand, sometimes they are climbing the walls with boredom, own nearly nothing, and are looking for work full-time, which is why they can’t make time now to pursue their hearts’ desires. They often add that as soon as they retire, or their last child moves out, or they move to the country, or to the city, or sell the horses, they will. They are absolutely sincere, and they are delusional.

I often remember the story from India of a beggar who sat outside a temple, begging for just enough every day to keep body and soul alive, until the temple elders convinced him to move across the street and sit under a tree. Years of begging and bare subsistence followed until he died. The temple elders decided to bury him beneath his cherished tree, where, after shoveling away a couple of feet of earth, they found a stash of gold coins that he had unknowingly sat on, all those hand-to-mouth years.

You already have the gold coins beneath you, of presence, creativity, intimacy, time for wonder, and nature, and life. Oh, yeah, you say? And where would those rascally coins be?

This is what I say: First of all, no one needs to watch the news every night, unless one is married to the anchor. Otherwise, you are mostly going to learn more than you need to know about where the local fires are, and how rainy it has been: so rainy! That is half an hour, a few days a week, I tell my students. You could commit to writing one page a night, which, over a year, is most of a book.

If they have to get up early for work and can’t stay up late, I ask them if they are willing NOT to do one thing every day, that otherwise they were going to try and cram into their schedule.

They may explain that they have to go to the gym four days a week or they get crazy, to which I reply that that’s fine—no one else really cares if anyone else finally starts to write or volunteers with marine mammals. But how can they not care and let life slip away? Can’t they give up the gym once a week and buy two hours’ worth of fresh, delectable moments? (Here they glance at my butt.)

Can they commit to meeting one close friend for two hours every week, in bookstores, to compare notes? Or at an Audubon sanctuary? Or a winery?

They look at me bitterly now—they don’t think I understand. But I do—I know how addictive busyness and mania are. But I ask them whether, if their children grow up to become adults who spend this one precious life in a spin of multitasking, stress, and achievement, and then work out four times a week, will they be pleased that their kids also pursued this kind of whirlwind life?

If not, if they want much more for their kids, lives well spent in hard work and savoring all that is lovely, why are they living this manic way?

I ask them, is there a eucalyptus grove at the end of their street, or a new exhibit at the art museum? An upcoming minus tide at the beach where the agates and tidepools are, or a great poet coming to the library soon? A pond where you can see so many turtles? A journal to fill?

If so, what manic or compulsive hours will they give up in trade for the equivalent time to write, or meander? Time is not free—that’s why it’s so precious and worth fighting for.

Will they give me one hour of housecleaning in exchange for the poetry reading? Or wash the car just one time a month, for the turtles? No? I understand. But at 80, will they be proud that they spent their lives keeping their houses cleaner than anyone else in the family did, except for mad Aunt Beth, who had the vapors? Or that they kept their car polished to a high sheen that made the neighbors quiver with jealousy? Or worked their fingers to the bone providing a high quality of life, but maybe accidentally forgot to be deeply and truly present for their kids, and now their grandchildren?

I think it’s going to hurt. What fills us is real, sweet, dopey, funny life.

I’ve heard it said that every day you need half an hour of quiet time for yourself, or your Self, unless you’re incredibly busy and stressed, in which case you need an hour. I promise you, it is there. Fight tooth and nail to find time, to make it. It is our true wealth, this moment, this hour, this day.

Anne Lamott’s books include Operating Instructions and Traveling Mercies. Her new novel, Imperfect Birds (Riverhead Books; $26), will be published this month. She lives in Marin County, California.

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EmotionMatters #01: March, 2010

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

This month we look at how a couple can get the most out of couple therapy and we ask, “Are you living together like Housemates?” Karen’s case study is on ‘Jealousy – Controlling the Green Eyed Monster’ and our featured product is our Surviving Life Dramas Combo Pack.

EmotionMatters #02: April, 2010

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

This month we look at the difference between aspergers and autism. Karen discusses the borderline personality disorder in How Emotional Stuff Works. And we feature a case study on “Is this marriage worth saving?” along with our usual website links. Enjoy

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The physical brain

To perceive emotion is to receive and interpret information from both external (world) and internal (body) environments. Your senses – sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing – connect you to the world around you, through your physical brain. Perception is the process by which information (events) about the outside world impinges on the sensory organs and is then decoded and interpreted by the brain – resulting in a conscious experience (behavior or response). Perception is one aspect of cognition – all the mental activities which enable us to know and make decisions (appraisals) about the world (our environment).

Four major brain regions are: the brain stem, cerebellum, neocortex (cerebrum) and limbic system. The limbic system – comprising the thalamus, hypothalamus, hippocampus, amygdala, and connecting pathways – mediates and expresses emotional, motivational, sexual and social behaviors, and memory.

The brain controls all involuntary functions at the same time. These include breathing and heartbeat, as well as the higher mental processes such as thought, and the physical activities of breathing, movement, and coordination, plus non-physical functions such as emotions. It regulates bodily functions and is the seat of your personality.
The brain absorbs information from the outside world, interprets it, and makes the body act accordingly. It does this through a fascinating process of communication between specialised brain or neural cells – called neurons – that fire electrical impulses, or thoughts. The largest web of neocortical functioning in the brain is between the prefrontal area and the limbic structures. This perhaps explains the great variety of emotions that humans experience. The amygdala plays a large role in emotion processing.

The key to creating emotional health is putting a gap between event and response. When impulse happens, usually from the amygdala (the fear centre of the brain), meaning is formed through appraisal. It is in the gap that the trigger – the conditioned response – occurs and you experience the response in your body. For example, your first experience on a roller coaster may be exhilarating or terrifying. The memory will be stored as such, and will be recalled at any time the words roller coaster is mentioned. In this way you form emotional habits. The good news is that cognitive reframing allows you to change your emotional habits to enjoy a life of ease!

Appraisal, through the operation of the thalamus, hypothalamus, and limbic system, is the trigger for emotional response. Appraisal is a source of autonomic (involuntary) arousal, as the emotional response is mediated by the autonomic nervous system. The physiological effects of accumulated arousal felt in the body can be severe (See –
Physiological effects of stress).

Autonomic Nervous System – ANS

Our central nervous system is a regulatory structure that helps people adapt to changes in their environment. The ANS is comprised of two parts – voluntary and involuntary. We use our voluntary nerves to direct our muscles within our body to move, more or less, at will. The involuntary nervous system helps our glands control the functioning of our organs, such as; heart, lungs, bowels, and digestion. The involuntary nerves consist of two types – sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system provides adrenalin. The parasympathetic nervous system has a moderating influence. It helps restore balance, once the threat has passed.

When our bodies are in a peaceful state, the two branches of the ANS are in check. However, when there is a stressful response or threat – anger, fear, sadness, disgust, or surprise – the sympathetic (fight, flight) branch dominates the parasympathetic (calming, restorative) branch, and we are aware of our organs functioning. We may feel a racing heart, clammy hands, a tightening in our abdomen, and an urge to use our bowels. Sympathetic nerves react this way by means of the chemical, adrenalin, which is released at the nerve-endings of the organs concerned. For any task, there is an optimum level of arousal at which performance will be most efficient. On the whole, moderate levels of arousal seem to act as positive reinforcers and extreme as negative.

Karen Gosling is an expert emotional wealth counselor. Have you had enough of being overwhelmed with life dramas and wish you could get back a feeling of being in control? Do you know that when you’re stressed it’s hard to focus on reading books? Order my complete set of 12 one-hour audio CDs on surviving life dramas for you to listen to as you release your pain and create a life without drama.

© Copyright 2009 Gosling International

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