Feed Your
Emotional Brain

Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Karen Gosling, an expert CBT counselor, explores a common situation and offers insight as to how emotional well being can be achieved.

Note: The permission of clients has been obtained to present this real-life case study. The names of clients have been changed to protect their privacy.

Presenting Issue

Barry, in senior management with a British company, came to counseling to explore his mood swings. He was 37 and had been married for nearly 6 years to a ‘warm and wonderful person’. There were no children yet, and the couple was wondering about the right time for having children. His wife also worked with the company and both had come to Singapore six months earlier from the UK.

Barry described himself as fairly conservative and not a risk taker, and said that sometimes he couldn’t believe he had accepted a job here in Singapore. He had never lived abroad and previously had never even visited Asia. In describing his problems, Barry said that sometimes he felt OK and reasonably good about himself, but that these good feelings gave way frequently to incredible depression and feelings of hopelessness and despair, that he often felt ‘not good enough’, and ‘not worthy’. He had experienced these feelings before, but he felt they were more intense and more frequent since coming to Singapore. He commented, “I’m not the person I thought I would turn out to be” and “I’m disappointed in myself”.

On questioning, Barry admitted that he had occasionally felt suicidal, but that he did not really believe that he would ever carry out a suicidal action. “Usually when I have the negative feelings I don’t have the energy to do anything about it, and when I feel more energetic, I reconsider, and think I will get on with life.”

Karen’s assessment

The counselor identified quickly that Barry was suffering from a low self-esteem, and that his critical view of himself has escalated since arriving in Singapore in a senior position and on a good salary (which he felt was too high for the actual work he was doing!). Barry was able to remember many incidents from earlier life and childhood that had helped create his low self esteem and was amazed that he had not identified it himself.

The counselor explained that identifying the problem is an important first step to doing something about it, and dealing with the destructive negative emotions.

Work done in counseling

The counsellor helped Barry to identify the judgmental and critical thoughts about himself that he was finding so disturbing, and taught him strategies to cope with them as they arose.

Barry was able to recognize that the thoughts were not constant, but seemed to be present at unpredictable times, in both work and social situations. In time, he was able to identify the negative feelings for what they were and control the devastating impact of them promptly.

Outcome

Barry became confident of his own abilities and recognized that he was indeed the most competent and suitable person for his job. He resumed his post-graduate studies and studied hard in his free time, successfully completing a masters degree within the same year of his first appointment. He continued to use the Self Esteem resource book suggested by the counsellor, as a reference tool whenever the old criticism arose. Most of all, he felt in control of himself, his thoughts and his well-being.

A few years later – Barry writes

Karen – Our work together was a critical intervention in a vicious cycle of poor self-esteem, negative feelings and depression and I am very grateful for your help (as is Louise). I have changed my role at work twice since we last spoke and feel very much more competent and in control, although I still have my rocky days (who dosen’t?).

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